his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
