Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
