Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
