You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
