i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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