my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
