I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
