Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
