Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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