HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
