you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
