During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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