you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
