Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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