So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
