I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
