we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
