This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
