I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
