there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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