My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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