Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
