Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
