Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
