At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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