Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
