So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
