I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
