Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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