You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Bring me that man meat
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
