Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize