how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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