So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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