Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize