where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
