Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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