ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
