Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
