Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
