Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
