There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
