just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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