The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
