So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
