If that was your dad, he is hot
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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