Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
