I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
