Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
