clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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