She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
