I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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