i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
