I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
