I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What a dumb baby whore.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
