At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
