Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Randomize
