drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
