Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
