I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
porn star boner night. come get it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
