roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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