clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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