walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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