i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
