Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
