it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
