when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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