It's Friday. Sex?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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