I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
