It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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