just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
