He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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