Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
