so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize