She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
