i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize