I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
