You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize