thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
